Thanet Poetry Journal Voume 3: Thanet Writers Takeover Edition – October 2017


We’re back for another spectacular showcasing of Thanet’s writing talent. For this issue we at Neanderthal Beard reached out to Thanet Writers, a local CIC that we work with on various projects. They’re great people who put a lot of time and effort into building and maintaining our local writing community, not just for poets but writers of all disciplines.

Fittingly, as we’ve just celebrated Hallowe’en, this volume dwells on the macabre and ethereal, almost casting Margate as a land of the dead. The name Thanet, it is sometimes said, comes from the “Ynys Thanatos” in Ancient Greek myths. Though there are many tales on how this Island got its name, that’s always been my favourite. On the foggy nights recently, you can almost see the boats, rowing the dead to their final resting place.

Though this may sound dark and gloomy, I think ultimately this is a collection of love, as many things are.

Thanet Writers have been, and continue to be, a blast to work with and I sincerely hope you enjoy this volume of the Thanet Poetry Journal, edited by The Thanet Writers Editorial Team. I hope many of you will find your way to their website and submit content, whether story, poem or even articles on the subject of writing. It’s all part of Thanet Writers mission to build, promote and educate the writer’s of Thanet.

For the next volume, we are proud to welcome Setareh Ebrahimi to the editors chair. Until then, curl up by a fire with this collection and look out over the water and try to find the pale oarsman bringing the dead home on the shores of Thanet.



Quantum Love Notes From A Typewriter Attached to a Phone

Sometimes I think I am writing messages in a bottle
made of ones and zeroes
like there is and isn’t meaning
behind the words I’m using
and I’m throwing them in an ocean
waiting to see if anyone gets back to me

Just because our social media
says we are in sync
doesn’t mean we can feel each other
across this distance
but when we stay up all night,
sharing pictures via wifi
of our pyjamas
it seems like the whole wide world
is just another, big round zero
and we are two ones
on different points of its curve
When I was at school
I was told than an infinite line with a slight bend
would eventually come all the way back round
and touch itself
but the phone lines between us
have been broken by satellites,
so each time we say “I miss you”
it is literally a voice from heaven
made up of ones and zeroes
like there both is and isn’t meaning in it


My girlfriend doesn’t live that far away but it’s far enough that sometimes I can miss her. Recently I went on holiday, away from the internet. It was only a few days but I missed her still and I thought of those people in long distance relationships with people on the otherside of the planey and the role the internet plays in their lives. This made me think of all the people who might be in a relationships if only they were a little closer, for whom that distance is the only thing keep them apart but it still seems so great that neither one will admit they want more than whatever they share with this person.

The Musical Vault of Martin Shkreli: Beatles, Nirvana and Wu-Tang secret works in the hands of an enfant terrible.

There are few men more hated in the world than “Pharma Bro”, investor and recently convicted fraudster Martin Shkreli. His initial rise to infamy was projected by his company’s price hike on the antiparasitic drug Daraprim but he remained in the spotlight after his successful bid on the one-of-a-kind Wu-Tang Clan album “Once Upon a Time in Shaolin.”

Conceived as an art piece exploring the commodification of music through channels like iTunes, “Once Upon a Time in Shaolin” was recorded in secret over six years and produced as a single double CD, the work was to be auctioned off, with a legal contract saying that the work could not be exploited commercially but it could be redistributed for free or at listening parties. On August 26, 2015, the final sale was announced “in the millions” to “a private collector”, later revealed to be Shkreli by Blooomsburg Businessweek. Wu-Tang Clan leader RZA later explained the sale was agreed before the controversial drug price-hike and subsequently a “significant portion” of the proceeds had been donated to various charities.

Though the actual track listing remains a secret for Shkreli alone, the auction house who handled the album did provide the working titles of the tracks. For about a year, this was all the information we had and Shkreli showed no signs of letting others hear the album. This was until Donald Trump announced his candidacy for President of the United States, when Shkreli promised to release the album if Trump got into the White House. Ultimately, when Trump was announced President Elect, Shkreli streamed the intro and one track.

Intriguingly, along with Wu-Tang Clan, Shkreli promised he’d be releasing his entire unreleased music collection, including tracks from Nirvana and The Beatles. In a tweet after the election, Shkreli teased “Wu, Beatles, 2pac, nirvana, radiohead, Hendrix, brand new, smiths, Elliot smith, Ramones” releases from his vault.

On December 23, 2016, Shkreli claimed he had acquired a two-disc, fully mixed down version of “Tha Carter V”, the long-delayed and rumoured final solo album from Lil Wayne. Recorded during 2013 to 2014, “Tha Carter V” has been the subject of conflict between Lil Wayne and his mentor/label boss Birdman.

During a livestream, Shkreli released two tracks from the project; one track featuring Kendrick Lamar and the other with Justin Bieber. Lawyers from Wayne and Universal Music were quick to issues threats, with Lil Wayne’s camp eventually coming to terms with Shkreli that he would not release any more tracks by the artist.

Shkreli has remained tight-lipped about how he acquired the album, with many believing it to have been retrieved by a hacker who then sold the work on to Shkreli, seeking him out for his history of spending money on music.

It is an undeniable fact that Shkreli is the sole publicly known owner of two of the biggest albums of the last ten years but what of his other claims?

Nirvana is a band that has enjoyed much traffic in tape trading circles, where fans will exchange copies of live show recordings, rare b-sides, radio exclusives and unreleased music. For Shkreli to indicate he has music not found in this community is a bold claim. Despite their brief run from 1987 -1994, the band produced three albums, a b-side collection and a live acoustic album, along with dozens of recordings found in frontman Kurt Cobain’s archives after his death.
So far, Shkreli has streamed a number of songs including “If You Must” (released officially Novemeber 2004 as part of the “With the Lights Out” box set), this track has appeared in the “Outcesticide” bootleg series and the early Nirvana demo recorded in January 1988.

This gives us a hint that Shkreli’s collection is not 100% as impressive as he has made out. Further tracks include “Talk to Me”, “Pay to Play” (an early version of Stay Away), “Spank Thru” (from the pre-Nirvana Cobain project, Fecal Matter), “Born in a Junkyard” (a.k.a Token Eastern Song) and Beeswax (planned for the “Bleach” follow-up) have all seen official release through the “With the Lights Out” box set.

Another band who’ve always been present in the bootleg trading underground, and one of the most iconic musical acts of all time, The Beatles are also alleged to be in Shkreli’s collection. Shkreli has assembled the supposed contents of his secret stash on the website, in which he identifies the Beatles tracks he possesses as “The Esher Sessions”. Once again, this is a widely available compilation.

The tracks in question are the demos, recorded at George Harrison’s house (in Esher), before the recording of “The White Album”. Much of the bootleg, fifteen tracks in all, were properly recorded for “The White Album”, as well as seven tracks being included as part of “Anthology 3”, mastered at Abbey Road Studios. Two tracks, “Not Guilty” and “What’s the New Mary Jane” were eventually cut before release but “What’s the New Mary Jane” did make its way onto “Anthology 3” while “Not Guilty” eventually was re-recorded as a George Harrison solo track after he rediscovered his copy of the Esher tape. The final tracks that did not make their way into the studio, “(I’m Just a) Child of Nature” would be released as “Jealous Guy” by Lennon, “Circles” would become a Harrison solo track and “Sour Milk Sea” would be given to Jackie Lomax as one of the earliest Apple Record singles.

But what of the rest? The music Shkreli hasn’t released in any form yet? There’s a lot of speculation to be had. Many fans don’t believe Shrkeli has the music he’s promising, instead acquiring publicly available bootlegs and paying through the nose for them, for that special feeling that only he has heard them. But what if, Martin Shkreli has been playing us? The man is obviously fairly clever, smart enough to have a quick Google before paying for huge projects. Maybe he really does possess the music he says he does, or maybe he’s just enjoying us run around chasing ghosts and worrying that Pharma Bro might be deleting unheard Smashing Pumpkin tracks.

Shortly before “The Life of Pablo”, Kanye West’s latest album, at a time when he was talking about being £53 million in debt, Shkreli sent an open letter offering $10 million for the rights, so he could keep the album all to himself, later upping the bid to $15 million. In the following weeks, Shkreli claimed to have lost $15 million in Bitcoin to someone pretending to be from West’s camp, followed by an epic hunt for the culprit, culminating in his talks with none other than Satoshi Nakamoto, the shadowy creator of Bitcoin, in order to retrieve the money. The story is an easy one to bust, at no point was $15 million moved in the Bitcoin block chain. Shkreli relishes in his infamy and outrage, and his claims of holding your favourite band’s music hostage might be just another part of his act.

Our Words on Your Lips

So last month, I saw a post in the Kent Poetry Facebook group, a producer, Lenny Bunn, looking for poets to record a compilation album. At first, I tagged Neanderthal Bard to get him to take part but then I thought “why the hell not?” and put my own name foward.

I travelled up with Mark Hollihan, one of my absolute favourite poets, to the farm where Lenny’s Studio lives. When we arrived, we crossed paths with Setareh, a poet I haven’t know that long but whose work I thoroughly enjoy. She had a copy of David Foster Wallace’s Infinite Jest with her. DFW has been one of my biggest sources of inspiration, especially as my own novel begins to take shape.

I was expecting the whole day to be a bit regimented, a changing of poets, a set number of takes and everything timetabled but Lenny isn’t like that. Mark and myself hung out for about an hour, chatting about the project, poetry, music in general before I headed in to the booth. I took a few dry runs of my poems. I chose to do the untitled film poem, I don’t have a title for it but I usually intorduce it with an ever changing pop culture title but for the sake of this project, I chose “Roll Credits” so it didn’t date the piece. I also brought a newer poem, “Ode to an Icon”, about the real life Jack Daniels.

I took two run throughs of each, to make sure there weren’t any weird sounds coming from in my mouth and that my timing was in

After my turn, Mark stepped up to the mic. Mark has one of the  best cadences of any poet I know, and his flow is impecable. As a writer, I often envy Mark’s style. As soon as Mark started reading, Lenny turned to me and said “he’s got the best voice”, and I agree. It’s always nice to just zone in, being still and quiet while Mark does his thing.

Afterwards, we spent more time chatting about music and the poetry scene with Lenny, until the next batch of poets arrived and we left them to do their thing.

The poets who also put their names down represent some of my favourite people and poets from all over Kent. To be listed on an album with them is a privilege I enjoy greatly.




Direct from Lenny:

Thanet Poetry Journal Volume 2!


It’s here! The second volume of Thanet Poetry Journal.

Our first issue was a resounding success, over 300 readers from around the world. It’s crazy to think that a group of poets, mostly from Kent have had their words travel further than many of us will ever journey ourselves. Thank you to everyone that made that happen, this couldn’t happen without the readers and poets that submit their work.

We’re continuing with our open submissions policy for volume 3. Anyone with a link to Thanet is welcome to submit to You could have performed her, written about her, lived here or simply visited. It all counts. You could even have worked with a poet from Thanet and we’ll consider you. This is about the collective breadth of our poetry family, not geographical turf wars.

Our submission guidelines can be found here: Thanet-Poetry-Journal-Submission-Guidelines

This issue, we are lucky enough to have Kirsty Louise Farley aka Faded Scribblings as our guest editor. Kirsty is one of my favourite local writers, finely honed and precise yet vulnerable and emotive, and her eye in constructing this edition has been invaluable.

As always, our Patreon is there for anyone who wants to help this Journal grow, or you can pick up one of our new print editions of volume 1 at poetry nights around kent for only £4. (We can sort out paypal and postage if you’re unable to fins us though)

Our next issue will be a special Takeover Edition, with the folks from Thanet Writers. They’ve put some serious legwork behind the local writing community, so it only makes sense for them to get involved and I can’t wait to see what they produce with us.


One True Sentence – How to Fight the Empty Page

What makes a piece of writing great? Myself and many other writers would argue that it’s the authenticity. No great book was every built without knowledge or research. As writers, it is our job to make sure that what we share with the world is honest, relatable and fantastic. It’s an enormous pressure when you consider that, and many writers spend a great deal of time battling the dreaded writer’s block.

The answer, to many problems of a writer, lies within the works of Hemingway.
“Sometimes when I was starting a new story and I could not get it going, I would sit in front of the fire and squeeze the peel of the little oranges into the edge of the flame and watch the sputter of blue that they made. I would stand and look out over the roofs of Paris and think, “Do not worry. You have always written before and you will write now. All you have to do is write one true sentence. Write the truest sentence that you know.” So finally I would write one true sentence, and then go on from there. It was easy then because there was always one true sentence that I knew or had seen or had heard someone say. If I started to write elaborately, or like someone introducing or presenting something, I found that I could cut that scrollwork or ornament out and throw it away and start with the first true simple declarative sentence I had written.” – Ernest Hemingway, A Moveable Feast

When faced with an insurmountable blank page, the solution is a simple one. Put something on it. Ignore your plot, ignore your stylistic choices and just put one sentence on that page. Congratulations, you now no longer have a blank page. You have bested it.

What did you put? How do you decide what to write?

The answer does not have to be a complicated matter. I find the simplest sentences, those that are real in the moment are the best. I once began a story based on the sentence “I have seen a lot of half-built Ferris Wheels.” This is true, I had and the story that followed became a story only by me thinking aloud. It was not a matter of plot or structure. All a writer has to do is think aloud on the page. Introduce other characters when you have to and watch how they change the writing but for the core of the novel, it is you who control everything. That’s a tremendous burden but one that we can overcome simply by writing the truth.

Worry about the quality of the writing afterwards. The plot doesn’t really matter, it is allowed a few bumps and contradictions. Fix all this in the editing stage. Just make sure you have something down first.

Terry Pratchett was a master of the “one true sentence.”

“Give a man a fire and he’s warm for a day, but set fire to him and he’s warm for the rest of his life.” – Terry Pratchett, Jingo

This sentence does not build the plot. It is just writing. What important about it is how it inspires the writer to keep going, how it impacts the rest of the writing and how the characters respond to this. So the next time you find yourself staring at a blank page, just write one true sentence and see where it takes you.

What Editors Expect…

When submitting work, whether that be a story or poem to a journal or a full manuscript to a prospective publisher, there is a minimum standard editors will expect to see. Often times, without some basic care from a writer, an editor will dismiss the work. Not giving your work due attention is a clear sign you’re not serious about your submission and therefore are unlikely to implement changes in a timely manner or carry out the arduous marketing required.

A great editor can make your work sparkle in ways you might never have imagined. They will pick up spelling and grammar errors, note any readability issues and offer advice for your story in the odd places it may need adjusting. Having said that, that doesn’t mean that you should expect your editor to do everything. They are human and they too may miss things.

First and foremost, an editor will expect your worth to have been proofread. Though they are not expecting a flawless piece, a quick spellcheck from your work-processor (or Grammarly for the more hardcore) will find a litany of mistakes. Your editor will see all these mistakes and they will judge you for them. If a word has been misspelt, it’s a definite strike against you. However, homophones are a little different. An editor shouldn’t mind the odd incorrect use of “there” or “their”, it’s their job to fix these issues.

Many publishers and journals have submission guidelines, dictating which font and spacing should be used when submitting work. Sometimes, these guidelines can seem arbitrary however there’s usually a reason behind them. Partly, it makes sure you’ve submitted work that is suitable for the journal or publisher. Something that fits the themes and style of previously published work. It shows you’ve but in a little bit of research and not just sent out blanket inquiries. Often, the matter of spacing and font is to make it easier for the editor to make notes. Additionally, these editors may read hundreds of pages a day. A little bit of consistency is good for the eyes.

Many writers expect an editor to actually make the edits. This comes back to the issue raised at the top of spotting a lazy writer. An editor is an advisor above all else. They are not the writer, nor should you expect them to be. If a section needs work, they will tell you and it will be up to you to correct it. If they were to make the changes, you would lose track of your original work and it would begin to take the style and form of their writing. If an editor has made a suggestion, you may disagree and offer an explanation but pick your battles well. An editor will grow tired of you defending every issue they raise. When an editor has suggested a change, it’s because they think it will help the work. Not because they’re bossy or they don’t understand you. The editor’s job is to ensure the best work gets put out.

Above all else though, the work you submit should be your best. Some people treat getting published as a numbers game. Blanket emails and submitting everything they’ve ever written. Not only does this clog things up and stop other people’s work being noticed, it also does little to ingratiate to the editors. They will not publish everything and forcing them to trawl through everything to find the occasional nugget of gold is only going to irritate them. Though an editor should be a professional, they’re also human and that means they too will eventually opt to block your messages if you send off too much. It also does little to boost your profile. Readers will judge your material, if they’re seeing the work that should have remained on the cutting room floor, it’s unlikely they’ll forgive you for your productivity.